Smile for the Birdie
by Thorn In Your Side
Summary: There was one more thing left to do in order to avoid L's suspicion.


**Smile for the Birdie**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Deathnote. **

**A/N: Long time since I've written for this fandom :D The comeback's due to me watching the anime all over again. The parts with feminism!fail in them still make me want to faceplant hard, but hey. For Mello I shall endure. **

**x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x**

Light was not what most people would call 'stupid'.

He was also not what most people would call 'normal'.

Right now he had to be a little bit of both. I mean, hello. Cameras in the A.C. vents? He had to put on the right kind of show for that bastard L. He had to let him see a run-of-the-mill seventeen year old. But not too run-of-the-mill because Yagami Soichiro who was his father was probably also working for the detective in the shadows and so would know if Light did something **_too _**un-Lightesque. It had been a gamble, buying the girlie magazines. He knew boys his age were expected to have a stash of porn in their rooms. He needed an alibi for the excessive paranoia he had displayed by so thoroughly booby-trapping his door. But dammit, Yagami Light did not need picture pop-ups in order to masturbate. His imagination was a gold mine.

He'd taken a gamble.

And he wasn't sure if it had paid off.

Well, honey. What did boys his age **_do _**when looking at damsels in stringy swimsuits?

Ryuk laughed. "Light, lemme stay and watch, okay?"

Like the aspiring deity had a choice. Light's glare could've burnt a hole through the centerfold. He couldn't turn it on the shinigami sleazeball, though, because the camera might catch it and L might wonder what Light had to glare at in mid-fucking-air. He couldn't get rid of Ryuk. He couldn't speak a word. He just had to act like everything was fine and dandy while being spyed on by nasty recorders taping as he touched himself.

Was this any way for a God to be treated!

Deep breaths. Mastering himself.

He wriggled around on the bed a bit, flipping the page. A luscious blonde gazed out of the page through smoky eyes, her fingers sliding down her red, zippered panties. Naked breasts like cantaloupes were cradled in her free hand, her teeth biting down on her lower lip. Light raised a finger to his own lips and nibbled at it. He inched it down until it was trapped between his thigh and the mattress, caressing his waistband.

In L's hotel room, Soichiro dropped his head to his hands and Lawliet took pity.

"Yagami-san, why don't you go take a coffee break. I asked Watari to order chocolate mousse, it should be here by now."

Nodding in numbed gratitude, the man rose and positively fled the surveillance corner. Lawliet chewed his thumb and stared at Light.

"Interesting...a rather uncomfortable position," the brunet mused, "Yagami-kun, why are you so determined to keep your face off the screen? Could you possibly...ah."

He renewed watching with lessening fascination as Light sat up on his knees and then fell on his bum. He crossed his legs and pulled the magazine towards himself, undoing his pants with one hand. The other was rubbing at a shirt-covered nipple.

"Never mind, Yagami-kun...perhaps you're just a boy after all."

Light drew down his underwear. Lawliet raised an eyebrow.

"Nothing boyish about **_that_**..."

Ryuk laughed harder.

"Mine is bigger."

Light ignored him with a stony determination that rung loud in the shinigami's ears. The apple addict was contorting himself in ridiculous glee. Seeing Light in such a...**_human _**state of vulnerablity plainly was the funniest thing he'd seen since Misora Naomi's fake name. Light gritted his teeth and groped himself. When he'd promised Ryuk entertainment, this wasn't really what he'd had in mind. Still. The show must go on...

He ran his hands up his cock, touching every inch like only he knew how. Duh, who'd know better? Who'd ever touched him there...or anywhere...with those sort of...thoughts...

Light looked down at the blonde. Her lips were pouty with pink gloss. He thought of her drawing those lips tight around his throbbing length and found it didn't really do much for him. He'd never liked make-up on a girl's lips; who wanted a kiss to taste like chemical shit? And all that same gunk on his...precious...ew.

He threw his neck back, closed his eyes, and parted his lips in a spine-tingling moan. One solitary finger rubbed the nib of his cock, trying to coax it to life. Damn it. Damn it! He was **_not _**about to fail in his mission because of his inability to arouse himself when it mattered most. His life was on the line!

But that wasn't helping...

Light tried to think of someone hot, but no one came to mind. He tried to remember what images he used to jerk off to before finding the Deathnote and murder (oh, sorry. Divine judgment) had started giving him the same high as a hard orgasm. His brain drew a blank. Ryuk bared his teeth.

"Need a hand?"

Shit to the fuck piss cunt **_no._**

Lawliet in the hotel room dipped his fingers into a bowl of mousse and licked them clean. Watari had made a disapproving sort of noise...apparently society frowned upon eating sweets while watching young boys get off but hey. This was a matter of national security, and Lawliet was no pervert.

(Misa later on would beg to differ. For now Light picked up his flaccid cock and...)

An involuntary gasp shot out of his mouth as Ryuk took his silence for consent and draped his long, freaky fingers over Light's adolescent pride.

"Wha...!" he clamped his mouth shut and clenched his fingers. Ryuk chuckled.

"Close one there, Light. You don't wanna let those guys know someone's here with you, so try and stay quiet."

He didn't add, 'I'm going to help you with this' because of being on neither Light nor L's side. And really, this was no help at all. Light was like hell going to be roused by this bastard's not-charms. Probably his penis would rot and fall off...

And not feel good ever again...

Not feel good...

Feels. Good.

Ryuk floated upside down and dragged his tongue up Light's arousal, and the boy grabbed bedsheets in both hands, inclining his head down and in towards his own chest. Of all the shitty things, was **_Ryuk's _**touch really turning him on? He figured no, decidedly not. It was a touch...just **_anyone's _**touch. His psychological status was on par with the gods but his body was all of a treacherous seventeen years old and didn't include the word 'fastidious' in its lexicon. Ryuk's fingers knew what they were doing, and his tongue even more so. Light slowly brought his hands back to his cock. Ryuk exploded into a fit of giggles before lowering his mouth to the boy's erection again.

"Oh man, you're smart."

A God would have to be. Light breathed evenly, for now. Ryuk was getting sick revenge out of having Light squirm for him, as to be expected for a death god reduced to a human's pet. Light was getting to convince anyone watching of his...normality, which he seemed to not be capable of achieving on his own. L, curse his eyes and hope they shrivel, was getting free porn. Of a kind.

Lawliet keenly kept his eyes on Light's fair face.

The boy genius used one hand to stroke himself, keeping up with Ryuk's attentions, and slid the other up his shirt, thumbing a pert nipple. He flushed and dug his heels in as Ryuk alternated every few strokes of his hand with a lick of his tongue. He gazed doggedly at the magazine, and the blonde whose features blurred as racy images too fast to really notice purloined his sanity. Short, swift cries emanated from him as Ryuk's tugs became rougher, harder... and then with a grunt he came, curving back onto his bed and spreading his spent legs.

Ryuk sniffed his fingers.

"Heh."

Lawliet gave him five minutes to clean up and called Soichiro back.

"L, I'm so sorry," the older Yagami apologized, "To have to see something like that was too much for me..."

"It's quite alright," Lawliet murmured, "Look. Yagami-kun is taking a walk now. Let's switch cameras to your daughter...Sayu-chan, right?"

Soichiro dropped his head back into his hands.

000

Silence lasted the god-and-deathgod pair to the end of the street.

"Ryuk, you son of a bitch. I am going to fucking...!"

"Calm down, Light, it was just a bit of fun." The shinigami grinned big, happy to have learnt that his keeper had some weaknesses. "I won't do it again."

Light's shoulders, tensed to the point of breaking, relaxed a little.

"Apples taste better than you."

Light's shoulders broke.

**x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x**

**Ryuk helps Light because I have a thing for that pairing. Should I have warned you before hand in case it offends? Oops.**

**(Unrepentant hardass :D)**


End file.
